The deceptive allure of Online Dating
To be desired by another …
I guess it’s human nature to feel wanted…needed…desired. Even whilst in a stable relationship, the allure of anonymous sex or hooking up with a total stranger seems too strong, too primal, to dismiss.
There are a many APPs available today that make it easy to meet up with strangers…or not. Today, most of these apps give you an indication of how far apart you are from the ‘hookup’ making the thrill of the chase that much more real than merely innocent flirting behind the safety net of a screen.
It’s just too easy.
For some, it’s the lustful desire for just that … anonymous no-strings-attached sex.
For others, it’s the opportunity for uninhibited sex … hello, wham, bang (excuse the pun), goodbye…. if words are even exchanged.
Then you have those that hope to meet someone who may eventually develop into something serious. Today, I’m focusing on the reasons I know to be true. All reasons why I’ve come to know these APPs have been used in the past. In some instances, upon reflection, the users have actually placed themselves in danger.
No one knew where they were.
Some places they ventured into were so secluded no one would have thought of searching in that area.
Simply because they were craving no-strings sex, no commitment or obligation to care, just sex. Although aware of the dangers or the possibility of contracting an STD, in the moment it all just didn’t seem to matter.
The goal was to hook up.
To have sex with a stranger and leave once done.
No “post-coitus” hugging and kissing. That just makes it too personal. It wasn’t what they were looking.
Today on reflection they realise how they put themselves in danger.
The danger is real.
It doesn’t always end well.
The person you’re meeting isn’t always who their profile claims they are. Of recent, this seems to have become the norm, rather than the exception.
You see a profile you like. You make contact or they make contact with you.
You chat a bit. You get to “know” each other. In most instances in the gay world, this “getting to know” phase lasts a minute. It’s about that instant satisfaction in most cases.
You give the person the benefit of doubt. That they are who they say they are. Assuming their HIV status or believing what they tell you about their status. Sadly, not everyone is honest. You may or may not go ahead with a condom, you’re in the moment. The condom breaks or there’s blood, there’s the inevitable exchange of potential life threatening fluids in the heat of the moment. You’re putting not only your life but that of your loved ones at risk if you’re in a relationship.
Alternatively, you arrive at their venue only to find that there is more than one person. It’s too late you tell yourself, to turn around. You play it cool and rationalise that it could be fun. The adrenaline is now not just running through your body, it’s chasing some world record at this point.
It’s been a fantasy that’s crossed the mind, it’s about to become real planned or not.
Like a kid snatching a sweet from the candy store, you know it’s wrong. You may get caught, but what a rush if you’re not.
The harsh reality is that whoever you are meeting with could and might overpower you. Alone or with “mates”, they can have their way with you. Three against one. You may not stand a chance. You can’t scream. I’m a man you think to yourself. Besides, even if you try, your mouth has been covered and your screams muffled. They are youngsters..early twenties. I should be able to overpower them, you think. Out think them? Truth is that they are in it for the quick buck and most likely high on drugs or alcohol. Your life is worthless to them.
Three against one. You may not stand a chance. You can’t scream. I’m a man you think to yourself. Besides, even if you try, your mouth has been covered and your screams muffled. They are youngsters..early twenties. I should be able to overpower them, you think. Out think them? Truth is that they are in it for the quick buck and most likely high on drugs or alcohol. Your life is worthless to them.
In an instant, your life can be taken from you!
All because you wanted that moment of lustful pleasure. The allure of hooking up with a total stranger exceeds any possible danger or reasoning.
No one knows where you are. How could they? You never came home. Your body lays alone, hidden from your family, at least for a while before it’s found.
It’s all very selfish of you. You know that.
The price you pay can be too high. Your life…gone in a whisper.
APPs are great. They bring convenience to your palm, which is totally ironic when you think about it.
Not all who use the APPs have pure intentions or intentions that match your own.
I’ve unfortunately seen the scenarios I’ve just shared, played out a few times through the lives of those around me. Over a moment of lustful desire, a life is changed.
The dangers of anonymous hookups are real.
Is it really worth it?