DISCIPLINING OUR KIDS
Is there a right way of disciplining kids?
How do you discipline your kids?
Do you use the “timeout” or spanking option or do you remove privileges or do you use a star chart/reward system to discipline your kids? And do you believe any of the above methods works particularly for you and your family?
For us, it’s a mix of “timeout” and the removal of privileges. I dare say that timeout used to work for a while, until roughly age 5, it doesn’t seem to be as effective now. Removal of a privilege such as usage of the iPad or games seems to be much more effective now. We’re not quite at the changing the WiFi password stage, simply because it’s such a mission so I’m not sure if I’m going there!
I came across this post from Healthy Children recently and from their list, these are the ones we’ve implemented at some stage over the years that seem to work for us.
SET LIMITS, in homes today there’s bound to be at least one tablet or smartphone around. The chances are high that your pre-schooler or younger, already know their way around them. In many instances, much better than you the parent, be honest! To avoid over-usage, we’ve set a usage limit for our son. He either uses it the morning or in the evening, but he can only be on it for 30 minutes at any one period. The choice is his. So if he uses it in the morning, he can’t use the tablet again for the rest of the day and vice-versa.
CONSEQUENCES, if you have a child in your home you’re bound to be on their case to put away stuff. Shoes, clothes lying around their room, books or toys around the house etc. I’m sure you get the picture. In our home, it’s a case of putting the clothing items away when I’ve asked or we’re not doing something you’re especially passionate about. It’s very important that you don’t end up doing the task for your child and to also follow through with the consequences if they don’t complete it. I assure you it can be challenging to not follow through with the stated consequence.
LISTEN, for many adults listening is not as easy as it seems. Where our kids are concerned it is so important to be engaged with them while they share their story with you. So if your child is misbehaving, speak to them about their behaviour, and discuss a consequence for it. Do not just punish them without first explaining the reason behind it.
GOOD BEHAVIOUR, needs to be acknowledged as well. Don’t be the kind of parent that is only heard when their child does something wrong. Make sure that you praise your child for doing something good as well. Point out how proud you are that your child did amazing in swimming for example or received great feedback from their teacher on a subject.
REDIRECT BAD BEHAVIOUR, boredom is a parent’s worst nightmare. I’m quite sure you’ve heard it before from your child. At least once a week there’s an “I’m so bored”. Boredom, whether you’re a child or adult, can lead to misbehaving. Let’s get real here shall we! I know that we’re supposed to let kids find a solution for their boredom, but just keep an eye on them and if it’s moving towards something negative, gently redirect them towards something more appropriate.
We avoid spanking in our home. I know from my own childhood the resentment it built up in me towards my father. From reading online and what I’ve heard from professionals spanking can lead to long term pent up anger in our kids, leading to bad behaviour outside of the parent-child relationship.
It’s also so easy for us to raise our voices when we’re frustrated. I’m guilty. Our son when he was in GR00 even brought it up with his teacher, how he disliked it when I raised my voice to him. Did me raising my voice change how he behaved? Honestly no. It may have for the next 30 minutes, but over the long term, it didn’t! Studies indicated that verbal discipline especially as kids grow older may lead to depression as teens.
DO YOU AGREE THAT THESE ARE EFFECTIVE WAYS TO DISCIPLINE YOUR PRIMARY SCHOOL CHILD?
- Speak to them about choices. The good and bad, mention what the consequence of each choice may be
- Speak to them about what your expectations are as a family, and what may happen if the family rules are broken
- Model and teach patience and respect for others
- Do NOT use physical punishment as a form of discipline
HOW DO YOU DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILD?
WARNING: Explicit language used, if you’re going to be offended do not click play