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In the closet + Gay + BI



Gay but in the closetIt boggles my mind as to why there are people so intent on forcing people out the proverbial closet. What pleasure do they get from it?

So, you have managed to force the individual out sooner than they were ready. What exactly is the benefit to you apart from some morbid sense of satisfaction? Does it make you a better person? Have you made a significant contribution to society? No! However, you have demonstrated what a bigot you are with no life, an individual that derives ‘sick’ satisfaction from the misery you cause to other people and their loved ones. Does it mean you end up with the person, probably not!

In my case and in the case of a few mates, deciding to come out is not something to be taken lightly. We’re all very aware that we will at some point have to come out so that we live a free life. One where we can walk with our heads held high, proud of who we are. Until this happens, it is a burden that we live with. It’s a choice we have made either because we are not ready to face any possible negative reaction from family, friends or work colleagues. Yes, this does then cause the individual to live a “double life”. Let’s not forget that it is largely due to societal expectations and prejudices that a lot of us battle with who we are for many years before being comfortable enough to take a stand and say ‘enough’! THIS IS WHO I AM AND QUITE FRANKLY I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME OR MY LIFESTYLE!


The “double life” in itself comes with its own set of challenges. One is always in fear of being found out, being disowned by family and friends, the end of a marriage, never seeing one’s children again. Rejection,  besides being killed or raped because of your sexual orientation, I believe, is one of the biggest reasons so many individuals don’t rush out the closet. For this Gay but in the closet, don't force me outsame reason, it gives no one else the right to “out” someone either. As much as you have your right to privacy, so do LGBT individuals.

Additionally, no one has the right to threaten anyone to force them out the closet for whatever heinous reasons. Even if we live in a time where being gay is accepted to a point in society, it still gives no one the right to force another person out the closet. I understand that celebrities are supposed to be role models, but just because they are famous individuals do they stop being humans? They have emotions to deal with just as we do. They suffer from anxiety just as the rest of us do and fear family rejection as much as the next person.

In the instance of a married person living on the down-low (aka DL), I believe that it’s a wrong decision to make but can understand why and how these situations come about. The DL situation is not only placing their own lives in danger but also that of their spouse and family, assuming that they didn’t know or that they had an agreement. When someone then decides to force them “out” or “negotiate” a deal in exchange for their silence, that’s just evil, criminal and unjust and extremely selfish. Ultimately they will not end up with the person on the DL, but yes they will have achieved their goal of, “if I can’t have you no one else will” because they will have broken up not just a marriage but also in many cases a family. The blackmailer … well, they’re still on their own and what else will they have achieved worth gloating about? You’ve hurt a fellow human and their family for what?!



in a phrase on the down-low

1 U.S. informal On the quiet; in secret.

  • ‘he kept his status as a Hell’s Angel on the down-low’

1.1(of a man) concealing his homosexual tendencies.

  • ‘Or perhaps they are, secretly, on the down-low.’
  • ‘He describes “down low detectives” as women who spy on their husbands to ascertain if they are on the down low.’
  • ‘Shaming men about their sexual orientation only encourages them to be on the down-low.’
  • ‘Many men who have sex with men chose to live their lives in the closet or on the down-low.’
  • ‘Because the down low is defined by secrecy, almost nothing is known about the number of men who are on the down low.’


The 1990’s originally in African-American usage.


I’ve also had instances where “straight” friends of mine become extremely obsessed with whether or not a third-party is gay or not, to the point that if we were all in a social environment, I would be taken aside and asked to watch the person and comment and possibly even confirm their sexual persuasion. This inappropriate and uncalled for harassment was promptly nipped in the bud.

It’s not anyone else’s business who other people are sleeping with. Their sexuality is not to be judged unless the person concerned asks for your opinion.

Outing someone is never a good thing!


Gay but in the closet, consequencesYou have no control over how it will result, and I doubt very much it will leave you feeling good about yourself.

When the person you outed takes their life because they were not ready, how will you feel?

When the person you outed loses their home, stability or family because they were not ready, how will you feel?

When the person you outed ends up needing rehabilitation because of your selfish decision, how will you feel?


Assuming you’re all out and proud, it gives you no right to force others to feel that way either!

You don’t appreciate society dictating to you who to love and how to love, so don’t be a bigot and subscribe to double standards.

Focus on your own life. Mind your own business!

An emotional decision you make may have server consequences and you have no idea how many lives you’re affecting by you forcing a person out the closet, by the way, this includes your own.

Before you decide to out someone, ask yourself if it’s really necessary. Who’s actually benefiting from your announcement?


About The Author


Parenting and Lifestyle Dad Blogger. If you enjoyed this post feel free to share it, or if you would like to engage with me you can find me on TWITTER @twodadsandakid or INSTAGRAM @twodadsandakid Follow my blog so you never miss out!



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